The Masculinist #50: The Truth About Online Dating

I’m always pleased when Christian couples who are equally yoked use online dating to good effect. But there are serious problems with online dating that we need to be careful about.

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I’m always pleased when Christian couples who are equally yoked use online dating to good effect. But there are serious problems with online dating that we need to be careful about.

Given the extent of online dating in the Christian singles’ community, would you care to discuss this further?

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Deciding who to marry is 1) very difficult, and 2) one of the most consequential decisions of a person’s life. And to make the best decision possible, you want to know the other person as best as you can before making the decision.

That’s all pretty obvious, of course, and we all know that, all things being equal, it is much less risky to marry someone you’ve been able to observe and interact with up close and personally than it is to marry someone far away who you haven’t had much interaction with. But long-distance relationships have been around forever, including long distance relationships that lead to marriage. So what’s different about online dating?

I think the difference is the medium. Not only do we have a greater ability to present ourselves in the best light with our online presence, but it all feels so much more “real” and “authentic” and “intimate” than a letter from the old days. And so I think the danger is that its easier for a single man or woman to be fooled into thinking that they really know the other person when… they don’t.

Of course, that’s a danger regardless, and what is the first year of marriage if not the opportunity for a couple to actually get to know one another? Still, online relationships need to transition to in-person relationships eventually, and the couple should seek as much real-world input as possible.

The other point worth mentioning is the one that Aaron Renn brings up in his article: choosing a mate using profiles on social media alone will lead to some very poor marriage decisions. You’ll be making decisions based on just a picture (if you’re a guy), or on just a few lines about his education and career (if you’re a woman). Those things (beauty and ability to provide) are important things, but they don’t make up the whole picture.

So, again, online dating provides a truncated view of a potential mate, and what you learn online will need to be supplemented IRL.

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Well, and then there is always this… :joy:

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Can’t unsee that…thanks Lucas.

Thanks for your reply. I would now add that pastors need to work from the premise, if they don’t already, that the use of online dating amongst their singles is actually very common; and especially of the specifically Christian sites.

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