New Warhorn Media post by Katie Walker:
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My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimerās at 57. Sheās now 65 and in a skilled nursing facility. She fell at home in January and broke her hip. Surgery repaired it but she couldnāt rehab. āMove your left footā and the right arm went up. Sheās confined to a Broda chair or bed.
Caregiving at home was the hardest thing Iāve ever done. Going to visit her every day and watching her die is a close second.
Many people have said to me how unfair this is. I settled the issues of Godās sovereignty and providence a long time ago. The Heidelberg Catechism Q&A 1 is a staple. The question or statement of fairness has given me many opportunities to share the comfort of the gospel.
The accompanying grief is a strange emotion with sometimes turbulent ebbs and flows. One day I got out cheese for my bologna sandwich and burst into tears. You see, Iād make grilled cheese sandwiches for Linda and me after church on Sundayās. No more. Sheās not home. Wave after wave of emotion crashed over me. It was completely unexpected.
Pastors, donāt forget the caregiver. Caregivers, from those Iāve talked to, donāt know how to care for themselves. If thereās no family around, engage the church to offer respite, meals and other help. Pastor Dave taught me pickleball. Thanks, pastor!
Donāt forget the family either. My three children are grieving in their own unique and difficult ways.
The āhow are you doingā question Iāve found to be generally useless. I know people are trying to be polite and caring, but they donāt want to hear about my blubbering over a slice of cheese or how dreadfully lonely I am or how some visits rip the heart out when she tells me that she knows I am cheating on her. Sheās a short, heavy woman in a red dress and there are pictures of us in a bar drinking together. Now from where this comes, who knows. Weāve had 42 years of fidelity and donāt drink! Ask probing questions and just listen. Donāt be Jobās friends.
I know finances is a sticky thing, but ask about them. Alzheimerās is an expensive disease. Nursing homes cost north of $10k/month. When Linda as first diagnosed, I contacted an Elder Care attorney. He worked in concert with my Edward Jones financial advisor. Expensive, but hoping I live longer than the 64 I am, I should be in good financial shape.
Donāt forget wills, powers of attorney, et. al. This was part of the Elder Care package. But there are issues involve that need to be thought through.
If I were an author Iād write a book, too. I hope these Cliff notesā version of my experience helps a bit.
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