James Webb has a chapter near the very end of Born Fighting about the Rites of Passage in Scots-Irish culture. He says “One is tempted to call this process the Redneck Bar Mitzvah.”
"Group activities such as hunting and athletics often play an important role, as does the proving ground of military service… [imbuing] traits of courage, personal honor, and loyalty…
These standards were passed down to me hard and early by my father, and I have done the same thing with my son. In both cases it was automatic, even more the role of a father than checking homework or making sure we went to church. In this culture, if one is to be recognized as a leader, he must know how to fight and be willing to do so, even in the face of certain defeat. He must be willing to compete in games of skill, whether they are something as traditional as organized athletics, as specialized as motorcycle or stock car racing, or as esoteric as billiards or video games. He must know how to use a weapon to defend himself, his family, and his friends. He should know how to hunt and fish and camp, and thus survive. And throughout his young life he should observed learn from the strong men in his midst, so that he can take their lessons with him into adulthood and pass them on to the next generation. Perhaps, as some claim, the advance of civilization and the sophistication of our society have made many of these lessons irrelevant. But to me, the attitudes they ingrained have been the most consistent sustaining forces in my life.
He then proceeds to outline some of the process he went through with his father and uncles and their friends, including getting a pair of boxing gloves at 6 (and being taught how to use them.) He describes it as starting out as a child on
“the outer edges of what other cultures might call the tribal circle, listening to my father and his longtime friends swap tales. This ritual is at the heart of the Scots-Irish culture, still replayed in hunting lodges and fishing camps throughout America as the old and young gather ostensibly to hunt or fish but in reality to celebrate their bonds and pass on their way of life. In the cabins and around the campfires the lions sit at center stage, trading false insults and challenging each other, jesting with the emeritus elders who need no longer fight, telling tales of younger days or of those who have gone before. And on the outer edges, ever quiet, the young boys listen, awed and thankful to be in the presence of the drinking and the swearing, absorbing stories that tell them what it means to be a man, and longing for the day that they can finally sit as full members of the tribe.”
He goes on to describe getting his first shot of whiskey as a child out coon hunting with the men on a cold night. He tells some of the stories he heard about his uncle, and his first hand accounts of his father being too hard on him, but being grateful for it. He honors his father tremendously, and it is quite moving.
A good book, and worth getting from the library just to read this chapter. (Although, it will mean a lot more to you if you read the whole book that precedes it, describing and honoring the Scots-Irish culture, without ignoring its flaws.)
My takeaway with regard to this conversation is twofold. First, that it isn’t actually a one-time thing in that culture, but a life-long process. You go through stages of manhood, and there are rites of passage for some parts but others just happen and the rites simply signal what has already happened. Second, that though the father is central to this, it is really passing along an entire culture, and therefore requires true community with unified culture and values to accomplish it. This last point may well be one of the main things that makes it seem so hard to do today. Not only have hunting and camping physical feats fallen on hard times, but nobody even believes manhood is good. We feel alone in attempting to pass it on, much less culture and values, etc.