Professional cuddlers & objective morality

(Ken Lamb) #1

Without an objective morality, all that anyone has is relativism and subjectivism, and here I think we have a perfect example of how something starts, knowing where it ends.

Apparently people can now be certified cuddlers and earn up to $80 per hour as they snuggle up to their clients.

I’m reminded of a likely fictional depiction of the famed and witty Winston Churchill with a Socialite lady which goes something like this:
“Churchill: “Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?” Socialite: "My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course… "
Churchill: “Would you sleep with me for five pounds?”
Socialite: “Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!” Churchill: "Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price”

And so I’m inclined to think that a certified cuddler is really not much more than a high priced prostitute. Presumably the certification, which gives some sort of credibility to the profession is tasked with keeping the clothes on, but I suspect it’s really just a matter of price.

(Tim Bayly) #2

Well, not quite since babies aren’t created and killed as byproducts.

(Ken Lamb) #3

Let me put it this way…if I came home after a long days work and found some strange man cuddling my wife, that he was paid for the act of cuddling would not ameliorate my conviction that the sanctity of my marriage had somehow been violated. Likewise, if a man were to pay to be cuddled by another man, I can’t help but see that as sinful.

I’m not equating cuddling with baby making, but does it need to be for it to constitute sexual sin?

(Joseph Bayly) #4

Get ready for stream-of-consciousness writing from me:

Interestingly, a lot of the appropriateness or lack thereof of physical touch is culturally mediated, at the risk of sounding like a liberal. In some places a hug is a big no-no, in others a kiss on the cheek is, in others holding hands between men is normal, etc.

What about a back massage? Isn’t it morally “better” if it’s paid for at a spa with a random person than it is not paid for and done by a friend in the bedroom? And wouldn’t it be “better” still to hire somebody of the same sex? (I’m just trying to compare, not state anything about massages per se.)

The lack of physical touch in our nation is causing problems that leads to this obviously crazy solution of paid cuddlers. Give the men at your church hugs and greet them with a holy kiss, brothers. Especially the single men. Especially especially the single men tempted by homosexual sin.

I don’t see professional cuddling as all that different from paying a counselor to essentially be your friend, which is a common thing.

Prostitutes report that many men simply desire somebody who will listen to them and only do the physical act out of embarrassment or even don’t.

It seems the two worlds are connected.

(Tim Bayly) #5

I can’t stop laughing.

(Nathan ) #6



(Jeremy Vander Galien) #7

Professional cuddlers are weird but not. In the past two years, we’ve had five women widowed. They need touch. Hugs. Handheld. Back rubbed appropriately. They often don’t realize that they need this, but if you listen carefully they talk about how their grandchild hugged them, or how so and so church-member gave them a big hug. They bring it up because they miss physical touch from their deceased husband and now are much more aware of physical touch.

(Tim Bayly) #8

Want to be the nursing home’s fave? When you go on your pastoral visit to residents there, take your children with you and instruct them to stop and greet residents in hallways and common rooms. Teach them not to be freaked out by residents touching them and their hair. Good cosmic vibes will follow them everywhere they go and you’ll leave the home better than when you entered. Plus you’ll want to do the visit because it gives you an excuse to hang with your kids.

(Jeremy Vander Galien) #9

When I was pastoring in Ripon, WI, every month or so I did a simple worship service at one of the nursing homes. I often took the kids. It was a blast. If I didn’t bring the kids I was always surprised that many of the residents would ask, by name, how my kids were doing.

Since moving to Rhinelander, and our church being outside the city, I’m not involved in the nursing home ministry…and we don’t currently have anyone in our church in a nursing home (strange, but true). Our church has recently moved locations and is now located inside the city and it’s on my “to-do” list to get back into the nursing home ministry. I miss it.

(Ken Lamb) #10

There is a local man (kind of a known successful businessman) who was recently arrested for masturbating during his massage with a licensed massage therapist. Apparently either the client or the LMT didn’t get the memo as to what kind of massage parlor it was.

The indignation rising up surrounding this event might be justified if it weren’t made by such a rabble of neo-Puritans. While I concede that massage can certainly be purely therapeutic and have personally benefited from Physical Therapy for severe back-pain that involved in-part soft tissue manipulation (that what they call it), such therapy was truly professional and was in the open view of the whole clinic and not behind closed doors.

But now I wonder what Certified Cuddlers will bring to the already buzzing business of touch therapy. Those LMT’s could salve some bitter loneliness with a good cuddle afterwards.

(Tim Bayly) #11

that’s beautiful, ain’t it?

(Heather Ummel) #12

Interestingly, if you’ve heard the buzz about weighted blankets being a thing now, they think that’s why they are helpful in relaxing people, because they mimic hugs and physical contact.