I’ve been tempted recently to faithlessness, and it has taken the form of doubting people in my church that I should trust.
I was discussing this with my wife, and she noted that pastors are like police officers — we can become cynical, jaded, and paranoid, having seen and experienced the worst that people throw at us.
I have known several police officers through the years and it is a common problem for them. Looking back now at elders and especially pastors, I think the problem is common for us, too. It affects the ability to trust people enough to entrust yourself to them.
But you never know who might turn against you. This can make it very difficult to live in any kind of intimacy with others without fear. Sometimes this cripples me. Other times I don’t have any problem with it. Faith seems to be the difference.
The former Pope was walking across St Peter’s Square when a group of Argentinian Catholics came up and offered him a drink of maté (an Argentinian caffeine), which he proceeded to consume at pace. The Swiss Guards (security detail) were appalled, and told him that the drink could have been poisoned. He is supposed to have replied, “I wasn’t worried at all. They were pilgrims, not cardinals”.
… we can become cynical, jaded, and paranoid, having seen and experienced the worst that people throw at us.
Many pastors’ and elders’ children: “if you want ‘cynical, jaded and paranoid’, hold my beer”.
To explain. I grew up in a pastor’s family (A/G, but this issue cuts across boundaries), and watching how my father and mother were treated in one church context, was a contributor as to why in time I called it a day on my commitment to the Pentecostal tradition. Especially because as I now see it, I had been brought up to believe, ‘we are the wise and wisdom will die with us’. Which is precisely not what was evident in practice.
The surprising thing is not that pastors’ and elders’ children backslide, the surprising thing is why more don’t.
I sympathize with your temptations. There is no way to love the sheep earnestly without exposing yourself to great vulnerability. It’s the very real temptation of every pastor, I am convinced, to want to insulate himself from sorrow and grief, and that means creating a church paradigm where you minimize having to interact with people at any real personal level.
Just become the ivory tower theologian who comes to give an oration once a week. Focus on building “structure” for the church, and tell yourself that that’s your ministry. Become a rancher instead of a shepherd. Build good fences for the sheep to play in, but don’t get to know them.
Remain firm and steadfast, brother. Fill up what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ (Col. 1:24).
“Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not become discouraged…” - Luke 18:1
“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” - Gal. 6:9
“And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.” - 1 Pet. 5:4