And is it right in front of my face where eye r jest two dum too c it? 
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The closest thing I see is you can go to your profile under Preferences -> Notifications -> Consider topics new when and set that to something shorter. A little digging didn’t turn up the “Just this once, mark it all read” function I think you’re looking for.
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There is, actually.
If you visit the Unread or New pages (also available in the hamburger menu), you will find “Dismiss” buttons that will mark everything read, I believe.
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That doesn’t quite do what I’m wanting done. Those topics don’t show up in those lists anymore, but they’re not grayed out on the main list, i.e., they’re still appearing to be unread. But thanks for the try!
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Hmmm… I’m not sure whether anything can do that. I’ll let you know if I find anything.