How to preach, Part 1

New Warhorn Media post by Nathan Alberson:

Pastor Bayly said something I wanted to perhaps see explained further.

In the episode, Tim recounted how he had told a friend, (at 22:22) “maybe the most important thing is that your wife doesn’t think you’re anything special for a preacher”.

Nate proceeded to give him a knowing, “um hmm”. So nothing more was said on that note, but I have no idea what was meant! lol

To be honest, I may have a bit of a bad conscience about it, but if I am in error in some way I do not know, I want to know. My wife thinks very well of my preaching. I think she is an atypical and good woman, I think she is one that would spit on the maudlin. =]

But… well basically if there are more parts of this to come that could clarify that point I would welcome to have some clarity on that particular throwaway point I would welcome them.


Welcome, brother.

I think it’s a great question, and I think some interesting conversation could come from it.

My wife compliments my preaching occasionally, and that’s encouraging! Lol.

I know that @tbbayly (my dad) has sometimes told a story about a pastor whose wife had nothing positive to say about his preaching. That’s clearly not good either!

The problem, if I were to guess, is when a man buys his own BS (pardon the expression), and his wife does too. How can she help him if she can’t see his faults?


If my wife did not give me fairly regular encouragement about my work, I would be forced to throw myself off a bridge. I am pro-wives-encouraging-their-husbands. I think she is sincere in her praise, finds the good things to praise, doesn’t falsely praise, and when she doesn’t like something she’s certainly not averse to telling me. I think these are good things. I think not throwing myself off a bridge is a good thing.

On the other hand, if my wife flattered me + encouraged me when I was doing poorly + didn’t ever rebuke me or spur me on to greater godliness … other people would probably throw me off a bridge.


Yes, to both Joseph and Nathan. We need our wives to help us, and it’s dangerous when they only tell us “great job.” One of the most helpful things a good wife does is to show us our errors and how we can do better, without being disrespectful and just discouraging us. Love,


I finished preaching a sermon (while living in Bloomington funny enough), and I mentioned a few things I’d meant to say but had forgotten in the moment. Without missing a beat my wife responded, ‘Yeah, I think that was the work of the Holy Spirit.’

Gutting. My wife thinks the Spirit works most powerfully in my preaching by getting me to shut up!


Hey Joseph, nice to meet you! Thanks for the welcome.

Thanks for sharing your family with the church at large. I am a PK myself and know being a sermon illustration is on the low end of the difficulties that can come with the title, and I know your family probably would have done the same with or without your blessing. But all the same I wanted to say thanks. I am not sure you loved it because I don’t know you, but I sense by the fact that you are on here sharing means you are as a whole good with it. I know you probably did share mom and dad more than most, so I just wanted to say thanks on that front. I have been challenged greatly by the boys at Warhon these last years and I think a lot of that stems from your family - Praise God!

I am glad to hear my question at least makes sense to another, lol

I think I am safe of the ditches on both sides for now as you describe them, but I wanted to reach out and ask at the very least.

Lol well put.

I think I married well on that front. My wife is many things, a false flatterer is not one of her besetting sins, at least based on my observations for the last 10 years.

Thank you Pastor Bayly for clarifying.

*I am not sure it would fit into the “The World We Made” trajectory you guys have set but I would welcome a deeper dive on marriage from your all. I have been grateful to discover you all and the sin of effeminacy through your work. As I have been repenting and my wife has been gracious as I have been trying to walk in repentance it has… stirred the pot in my marriage some over the last 2 years. =] *

*My wife would say she was raised by feminists and is a recovering one herself so falling naturally into God-given gender roles isn’t the most intuitive thing in the world for us to date. Good progress has been made, but I would sure welcome more counsel on that front. *

*** I bet the helpful marriage seminar was really great on that front, I was unfortunately unable to attend, if audio exists from that gathering, I would certainly listen to it!***

*****Now that I have typed all of this I realize “The Helpful Marriage Book” exists… I should probably buy and read it. lol *****


Yeah, the book; but maybe Nathan and Jake and I will take on marriage again? Keep asking. Love,