Every healthy marriage is healthy in its own way

New Warhorn Media post by Tim Bayly:


Pastor @tbbayly thank you for this article. Truly helpful. Actually the timing could not have been more perfect.


…the captain is always demonstrating the quality of his leadership by whether he honors and responds with equanimity to subordinates’ appeal of his decisions…Captains who are insecure in their authority respond in a brittle way to subordinates who approach them prefacing their second-guessing with some sort of respectful verbal deference…Such captains see authority and submission in black and white and shut down their subordinate’s helpfulness.

Thanks for this, Tim. The ability to respond with equanimity to subordinates’ appeals of my decisions is something I’m bad at and am working on. By God’s grace it can be and is being developed. An analog signal in a digital mind…



This is something you should make more of. “The heresies that men leave are hated most” (John Donne, via C.S. Lewis).

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And in our day the distinction must be made between a reformed feminist and a Reformed Feminist. :slight_smile:


I am a coder. It is part of my work. Whenever you hear that from an IT person or a programmer or coder, it is pride. There is almost always ambiguity. Hard “guarantees” or “proofs” are close to impossible if the code should do anything useful. This is mostly introduced by side-effects from lower layers, like the operating system, processor or peripherals. Notice that I haven’t mentioned networking yet. Or cryptography. Or symmetric multiprocessing (multiple cores).
I want to confirm your point, even the technical world isn’t what coders say it is.

Next time a coder tells you that just tell them this: God made the best code (the world was created and is sustained by his Word being executed). Sin corrupted it. Imagine your code being changed at runtime at random points in random ways. That’s not even ambiguity, it’s chaos.

This reminded me of movies that portray the same situation, like “Hunt for Red October” and “Crimson Tide”. I think that they teach valuable lessons in leadership even in the side characters like Scott Glenn in Red October.


When I was in college studying computer science, part of the reason is because computers seemed much more predictable than people to me. When I realized how insane computers were I decided I might as well work with people. :slight_smile:


It’s ironic that a woman so concerned with submission and headship would take it upon herself to rebuke the pastor. At least she could have pushed her husband to talk to you instead.

Our church faced a similar situation some years back when a woman constantly pushed from behind the scenes to have our pastor and the woman’s Bible study teach that women should never do any work outside the home except out of dire financial necessity. Despite all her professed commitments to biblical submission, I suppose you won’t be surprised to hear that this woman wore the pants at home. Our pastor pointed this out to her, but it fell on deaf ears.


“Every truth is accompanied by two equal and opposite errors”.

Captains who are insecure in their authority respond in a brittle way to subordinates who approach them prefacing their second-guessing with some sort of respectful verbal deference such as “permission to speak freely, sir?”

I supervise a number of people in my office (a mix of civilian and military) and I’ll brag a little bit that I don’t have this problem. People like working for me. But the reason I don’t have this problem isn’t because I’m inherently so great; it’s because I failed a lot and remember it. I remember what it was like to be dressed down for screwing up. I also put in years working for a few choice individuals who arrived to adulthood with all their high-school insecurities intact. I remember what a cruddy experience that was; it was like rolling the dice with an alcoholic parent.

Similarly I screwed up a lot in my marriage. That was harder to admit. It’s hard to look at your life and say “I’m not very good at things.” But by the grace (and only that) of the Holy Spirit I can look at my life and say yeah, I’m not very good at stuff. I’m not very good at loving or patience or listening or planning or working effectively. But that’s the awesome paradox; it’s after being driven to that point of despairing honesty that the Holy Spirit showed me Christ, and in a way I can’t explain, imbued me with His life. Obviously everything isn’t resolved at once, but it puts it all on a completely new trajectory.


“they tend to be engineers or coders who are quite limited in their ability to understand nuance”

My friend, nuance can be overrated. A case could probably be made that nuance has given us Revoice (and host of other nuanced issues rotting the Church.)

The proper use of “nuance” is an issue that is rather… Nuanced. :stuck_out_tongue:

Yes, “nuance” is often used as a cover for cowardice on issues that really are plain. But the improper use of something doesn’t invalidate it’s proper use.

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Yep, but as Zak says…

And for the issues that are really plain I am thankful for the technical people who scratch their head at the nuance, scratch their head and say, ‘Say, what?’

God has placed all the parts of the body, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired.

And for this, I am glad.