You’re ahead of the game. As usual. No surprise there.
So help the rest of us catch up. Please.
This is my aspiration!
I can attest to that as I am attending a private Christian highschool. There are many more young men who are weak when it comes to feminism than those are prepared to be leaders in their families. And even at a Christian school, teaching is weak on manhood, and tends toward a more feminist perspective, as well.
So I think, because of the pressures, both within and outside of the church, which discourage manliness and leadership, period, regardless of if it is done in a Christ like way, young men need to be taught that it is good to lead, but along with warnings regarding the pitfalls on either side, just like with any other issue. As my pastor often says, “the answer is rarely as black and white as we with it could be.”
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Immediately thought of, for instance, this chapter. If you haven’t read it, give it a try. If you have read it, maybe you and I need it again:
Chapter 12
She Is Your Companion
The LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
Malachi 2:14
Christians go to Scripture to find examples to follow, and there’s one example of a godly marriage we might easily miss.
The Apostle Paul left Athens for Corinth, and there in Corinth he set up shop with a Jewish man named Aquila and his wife, Priscilla. Concerning the friendship that developed between the Apostle Paul and this man and his wife, Scripture says, “Because [Paul] was of the same trade, he stayed with them and they were working, for by trade they were tent-makers” (Acts 18:3). The account continues:
Now a Jew named Apollos, an Alexandrian by birth, an eloquent man, came to Ephesus; and he was mighty in the Scriptures. This man had been instructed in the way of the Lord; and being fervent in spirit, he was speaking and teaching accurately the things concerning Jesus, being acquainted only with the baptism of John; and he began to speak out boldly in the synagogue. But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately. (Acts 18:24–26)
This man Apollos was quite the leader, wasn’t he? “Eloquent” and “mighty in the Scriptures,” he was “fervent in spirit” and preached “boldly in the synagogue.”
For these reasons, note carefully what Scripture does not say here. Luke does not record for us that Aquila took Apollos aside and corrected him privately, man to man. Rather, it was both Priscilla and Aquila who “took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately.”
This was doctrinal correction given by a wife and husband, together, to an eloquent and bold man who was mighty in the Scriptures. To make the point crystal clear, Priscilla was not serving the men tea. But lest we jump to the feminists’ conclusion that Priscilla was there to demonstrate her superior gifts, seize her moment, and destroy all those patriarchal fetters she and her strong, wise sisters suffered under because of the insecurity of men of the time, note carefully this helpful explanation the Reformer John Calvin gave five centuries ago:
This was no small modesty which was in Apollos, in that he doth suffer himself to be taught and instructed not only by an handy craftsman, but also by a woman. . . . We see that one of the chief teachers of the Church was instructed by a woman. Notwithstanding, we must remember that Priscilla did execute this function of teaching at home in her own house, that she might not overthrow the order prescribed by God and nature.
Earlier in the chapter, Aquila’s name comes before his wife’s, but here in the record of their correction of Apollos, the order of their names is flipped: “Priscilla and Aquila.” Why?
Bible commentators from both present and past centuries think this change in the order indicates something special about Priscilla’s gifts and knowledge. This married couple were a cornerstone of the New Testament church, and a blessing to Paul:
Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who for my life risked their own necks, to whom not only do I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles; also greet the church that is in their house. (Rom. 16:3–5)
The first thing we actually notice is that Priscilla (referred to here in the diminutive, Prisca) and Aquila apparently worked together. They were tentmakers. It is no small feat to work side by side as a married couple. Mary Lee and I know because we used to do it, painting and cleaning houses together. And let’s just say it was not our greatest time of togetherness.
Next, both of them (not just Aquila) were dear friends of Paul. We do not know the details, but they risked their lives for him. They were active together in the ministry. Paul refers to them as “fellow workers in Christ.” They also hosted a church in their home. This was quite the couple.
Maybe we don’t know Scripture and the doctrine of salvation as well as Priscilla and Aquila did, but even if we had knowledge and wisdom equal to theirs, which of our marriages would have the sort of loving intimacy to work so naturally together, taking a man as gifted as Apollos aside and speaking to him helpfully so he was able to serve the church better? Would our marriages be described as being this sort of blessing to God’s people? Would your wife and you be able to bear such good fruit together?
Barb and Kent Hughes are a couple who were a blessing to Mary Lee and me many years ago, and still are today. Soon after moving to begin ministry in a yoked parish of two churches in the dairy land of Wisconsin, we received the most recent issue of Leadership in our mailbox. A magazine for “ministry professionals,” it had an interview with several famous pastors’ wives, one of whom was Barb. Her husband, Kent, was then pastor of our home church in Wheaton, Illinois. At the time, we didn’t know Barb and Kent personally, but we knew they were quite close to my parents, so we were interested.
The interview shocked us. There was a stark contrast between Barb’s responses and the responses of the other women. When these other women (maybe five of them) were asked questions relating to their interface with their husband’s ministry, they distanced themselves from him, saying their husband’s calling wasn’t their calling, their husband’s work wasn’t their work, their husband’s needs weren’t their responsibility, and on it went.
But not Barb. There shining gloriously amidst these liberated women was sweet, sharp-as-a-tack Barb testifying that she was Kent’s wife, that his calling was her calling, his ministry was her ministry, his work was her work, his needs were her responsibility (which gave her joy), and on it went. Repeatedly, Barb confessed her contentment and happiness in being Kent’s helper. She was unflinching and irrepressibly biblical. In contrast to her fellow interviewees surrounding her in the room, Barb was feminine. In our modern day, could such a woman still exist?
We were so thankful for Barb’s testimony that we wrote her a letter telling her of our joy and gratitude for her witness. A short time later, Barb called Mary Lee and asked if she and Kent could come up for a visit. We gladly accepted.
So Barb and Kent drove the two and a half hours up from Wheaton and spent the day with us. You can imagine what a gift this was. We were young, so to have an older pastor and his wife spend a day sharing their wisdom and commitments and showing us their affection was so helpful.
Maybe you feel it’s a non sequitur to follow the example of Priscilla with the example of Barb, but they’re not as different as they may at first appear. Both women shared in their husband’s ministry. Both were helpmates, not seeing themselves as too good or important to help their husbands. Certainly, at their dinner table Barb helped teach many men, and, knowing Barb, we can promise she sometimes took the lead. No doubt Priscilla showed wifely feminine deference to Aquila even as she helped instruct Apollos. And yes, she probably also served tea or coffee or whatever.
Luke held Priscilla and Aquila up as an exemplary couple, and here, Mary Lee and I hold Barb and Kent up as an exemplary couple.
My point is not to talk about pastors’ marriages, though, but marriages in general. It could be your pastor and his wife. It could be an elder or a deacon and his wife. It could be your small group leader and his wife. It could be a missionary and his wife. It could be your son and his wife. It could be your dad and his wife—your mother. It could be you and your wife, and that’s what we’re really concerned with now.
We all need such gifts from married couples—especially the gift of seeing them work seamlessly together. The growth of our sons and daughters physically, emotionally, and doctrinally also depends upon watching such a seamless working relationship between their father and mother.
If the wife is unwilling to grow in her wisdom and knowledge, or the husband is unwilling to defer to his wife in areas where she is superior to him in wisdom and knowledge, it all goes to pieces. Then, what Apollos or your pastor or your sons and daughters will remember is that togetherness is not one of the strengths of your marriage.
Is this what you want? When you’re together with others, do you want them feeling awkward about the two of you because your wife is filled with herself and overpowers her husband or corrects him at every turn—or your husband is insecure and, when your superior knowledge and wisdom might cause you to be the one who shines in the presence of others, he shuts you down?
How do we cultivate a marriage like the marriage of Aquila and Priscilla that blesses others? How do we work toward a marriage that is capable of natural relations with others in the church who are pleased to spend time with us and listen to our counsel? The answer is to grow together in intimacy, not just sexually, but emotionally, intellectually, and doctrinally. To become true companions.
Companionship. That’s an important word. Let’s focus on it for a moment.
Historically, Christians have confessed that Scripture gives three purposes of marriage. The seventeenth-century outline of Scripture’s truths called the Westminster Confession of Faith lists them:
Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife; for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the Church with an holy seed; and for preventing of uncleanness.
These three purposes—companionship, children, and the prevention of sexual sin—are repeated across church history, most notably by pastors at the beginning of wedding ceremonies. Listen for them. Here’s the liturgy we use in our church:
The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God: First, for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of His holy name. Second, it was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body. Third, it was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity.
“For the mutual society, help and comfort that the one ought to have of the other.” This is companionship. God saw it was “not good for the man to be alone,” so He created woman. Adam needed a companion, and God gave him one (Gen. 2:18–25).
Today, man needs companionship just as much as Adam did. If you are married, you are to cultivate this companionship together, husband and wife.
Companionship can take many forms, and it changes through the years and seasons of life. Some couples are newly married, others are facing the challenges of young children God has blessed them with. Another season arrives, and couples face the departure of their first child from their home, then the empty-nest time of life. This is followed by the final years. Throughout these seasons, those who do the necessary work cultivating it enjoy companionship’s many blessings.
Companionship doesn’t come as easily as we may think. Like all of life’s blessings, companionship yields its joys most to those who work at it. So work at it. Work to follow the godly example of Priscilla and Aquila.
How do we work at it?
For starters, companionship requires that we share each other’s thoughts. And if we want our companionship to be godly, we will work to make God’s thoughts our thoughts, together. Jesus promised, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:31–32). Our minds are renewed as we grow in God’s truth. Growth in His truth frees us from the terrible pressures in our culture to click “Like” on the social justice warriors’ stupidities incessantly repeated by relatives and friends on social media. Pursuit of God’s true thoughts frees us from forwarding all the subterfuge of false shepherds in the church who lead the sheep to rebel against authority. Scripture says a man is the way he thinks. This is true of a married couple, also—as they think, so they are.
Don’t neglect intimacy in thought, doctrine, and truth. It’s hard work, but do it. Everything about your marriage will improve: your discipline of your children, your small talk, your friendships, your emotional intimacy—even your sexual intimacy. The oneness of sexual union is beautiful when it’s the fruit of an all-encompassing oneness. Share your thoughts and convictions with your husband or wife. Ask her to share her thoughts with you.
Yesterday, I was talking with a woman recently widowed. Of course, she feels an overwhelming loss and sadness. In our texts and conversations with her, Mary Lee and I have been trying to encourage her for the work she has ahead. As we’ve talked with her, we’ve noticed how often she speaks about what her late husband thought about this and that. Not simple stuff like his favorite foods and how much he liked his pickup, but deep stuff like relational difficulties with their children, moral quandaries he faced in his work, and doctrinal matters challenging our congregation (he was an elder).
As an encouragement, I pointed out this intellectual sharing was something she should treasure, giving thanks to God for such a blessing in the years she and her husband had together. I pointed out how many marriages lack such mental intimacy and union, and that she should not take this blessing for granted.
She responded that she had never thought about it, but she and her husband commonly sat together and asked each other, “What are you thinking?” This was a key part of their love habits.
If we’re so inclined, we can make many excuses for our lack of mental, intellectual, artistic, aesthetic, ethical, and doctrinal intimacy in our marriage. Our husband is intellectually lazy, caring about nothing but his work, sports, beer, and sex. Our wife is a ninny, caring about nothing but her children, Instagram, videos, and hair. Our husband doesn’t appreciate flowers, sunsets, and reading. Our wife doesn’t appreciate March Madness, martial arts, and reading. Our husband only reads sports. Our wife only reads Amish romances.
We have our excuses, but we need to be honest about what we really want in our marriage. Do we truly care about our wife or husband? Are we convinced that intimacy in truth, beauty, and goodness between husband and wife is beautiful? Or, more importantly, are we convinced that growing together in our knowledge and commitment to all the truths of God recorded in His Word is the best recipe for joy in this life?
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Now then, here are some practical suggestions for growing together as companions emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and doctrinally.
First, talk about your kids.
When we were dating and first married, Mary Lee and I told each other we would not be one of those couples who only talked about their kids. We have to smile at our conceit back before we had children. Youthful ignorance and pride: we knew it all.
It was only after we had children that we realized it is not only natural, but good, to talk about our children.
Among married couples God has blessed with children, those little ones are a major part of our lives together. Other than God’s mercy in Jesus Christ, these little men and women are at the center of what we hold in common. Other people aren’t going to want to talk about your children or listen to you talk about them. But you?
You text your husband the funny thing your toddler said that morning and the naughty thing you had to hide your laughter at. When he gets home, the two of you talk about the discipline this or that child needs for this or that sin. You have a school-age daughter struggling with insecurity as she approaches puberty, or an older son in a relationship who needs help. Your daughter off at college needs to decide if she should drop a class so she can better keep up with her other classes. Of course you talk about these things, and why shouldn’t you? Children aren’t boring and it’s not demeaning to your personhood or marriage to think about them together.
As a couple with children, your companionship will often revolve around those children. They are likely to be the most frequent subject of your conversations for many years, even after they themselves marry and have children of their own. Then, moving into a new season of your married life, the conversations of your companionship will expand to include your grandchildren.
Speaking of what to talk about when you’re out for dinner, one frequent mistake we made in our earlier years was to bring up difficult subjects then. It might be one of the only times during the week that you have your spouse’s undivided attention, so you bring up the touchy subject. You waited until then because the subject is fraught with tension, but as soon as you mention it, the disagreement comes to life and your dinner date is ruined.
So no, you don’t want to use your date to hash out the difficult issues. Disagreements you will always have with you, so forget them for the moment and love and enjoy each other.
Talking is good. Communication is imperative to growing in your relationship. If you find yourself struggling with nothing to talk about, consider some friends of ours who used online lists of conversation starters for ideas. Yes, it’s weird, but weird can be helpful and good.
Enough about conversation, though. Let’s move on to reading together.
Yes, read together. Start before your marriage and keep it up until the end of your life together. Articles and posts are good, but there’s no substitute for books. Podcasts are very helpful, but there’s no substitute for books. Read books together. Novels, yes—but more importantly, devotional and doctrinal works. Biographies, Christian and otherwise. History.
Major parts of our marital companionship have been changed by me sharing with Mary Lee a passage from a book I was reading. Remember my account back in chapter 7 of how reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Life Together led us to repent of church-hopping, and to commit ourselves permanently to one church?
Reading together can take different forms. Read the same book, finishing it within a short time of each other, and discuss it. On the other hand, you may want to read aloud to each other (which we struggle to do without falling asleep). Recently, we listened to an audio version of Moby Dick while we were driving cross-country. Both the book and listening to it together were great.
Read together, not just for entertainment, but for spiritual growth—especially in repentance. Husband, if some book or article you are reading is good and causes you to reverse your thinking and commitments, go to your wife right away. Strike while the anvil is hot. Read it to her, explaining why you found it helpful and how it has changed your thinking. Explain the changes this truth might mean for your married life. Read it, then talk to her about it. Bring her along with you. Be willing to listen to her challenges when she thinks you are wrong.
Read whenever you can. If you see a chance, take it. Some might call me wacko, but here’s just a few of the things I’ve done to share my life and work with Mary Lee—which in turn have led to us growing together spiritually and doctrinally, becoming better companions for one another. In seminary, I read parts of my textbooks to Mary Lee. Not a whole lot, but anything I was excited about. Parts of Calvin’s Institutes. Sections of the Westminster Confession of Faith—which, by the way, led to a quite lively conversation late in the evening sitting on our bed. I’ve shared with Mary Lee large excerpts from Harry Blamires’s The Christian Mind; chapters from G. K. Chesterton’s Everlasting Man, What’s Wrong with the World, Orthodoxy, and The Thing; Søren Kierkegaard’s explosive parables in Attack Upon Christendom.
When you have children, if you want them as companions, read to them. Start with Pat the Bunny and Goodnight Moon, then on to poems. Try the ones by A. A. Milne in When We Were Very Young. My own favorite is “Teddy Bear.” Mary Lee’s favorite is “Lines and Squares.” (We both love “The King’s Breakfast” and “Disobedience.”)
Try out any book by Ralph Moody. He’s wonderful and there are few things better for teaching the difference between fatherhood and motherhood. Once our family sat quietly for half an hour in the car, parked in the driveway at the end of a thousand-mile trip home from our family vacation while Mary Lee finished reading us Moody’s Little Britches. Until it was finished, no one moved.
The list of good books you can choose from is endless.
Of course, Mary Lee and I both had the advantage of mothers who read to us when we were children. Maybe you didn’t, but why not start a family tradition yourself?
One of my favorites growing up was the Polly Pepper series by Margaret Sidney. Mary Lee’s was the Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder. For some reason, neither of our families ever got into reading Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia or Tolkien’s Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Countless families, though, have found these favorites, reading them over and over through the years.
Don’t miss reading about Bertie and Jeeves in the books by P. G. Wodehouse. James Herriot studied the books by Wodehouse in preparation for writing his own wonderful series based on his practice as a veterinarian in Yorkshire, England. (All Creatures Great and Small is the first in the series as published in the US.)
Wonderful memories are formed by reading together as a family. This habit will draw husband and wife closer together as they look forward to the next chapter of the book that evening. Read as a married couple. Read as a family. Read. The couple that reads together grows together.
Here’s another thing that helped Mary Lee and me grow in our companionship.
You may be astounded, but for the first fifteen or so years of pastoral ministry, every week I’d come home very late Saturday night, wake Mary Lee up, then read her my sermon for the next morning. From love she would listen, then critique it and make suggestions. She never complained, and several times she told me to start over—which I did.
To this day I can’t imagine teaching, writing, or preaching without Mary Lee’s criticisms, suggestions, and “I like it.” In sixteen years of writing online, rarely has a post been published without being read first to Mary Lee—and it’s rare she doesn’t change it as I read, making good suggestions for improvement in both tone and substance.
And books? We estimate Mary Lee has heard each chapter of each of my books at least two or three times before the book goes to the editors. (Just now, finishing up this chapter, I read this last part to her and she responded, “True that.” Then she took it from me and spent hours working on it.)
Read together. Talk about your reading. Share your thoughts, and watch as the fruit of this work causes you both to grow together—to become better companions.
No matter what work you do as a husband, share that work with your wife. If you’re a contractor, share your bidding successes and failures. Share your research of new materials, tools, and work processes. If you’re a physician, share your journal articles and read your wife (or husband) the new ethical standards your clinic, healthcare group, or hospital is requiring you to sign. If you’re in law school, read and explain the biblical significance of briefs and opinions assigned by your constitutional law prof. If you’re in the military, read your wife some of the articles on the difficulties and challenges to Christian consciences posed by being deployed alongside women and the transgendered. If you’re a farmer, ask your wife to keep the books, track the federal subsidies, and listen to your thoughts on breeding lines and feed additives.
Marriage is work. Don’t be lazy. Marriage never stays the same, but changes with the seasons, years, and decades.
And what you, husband, must remember is that this change should be guided by you, yet never in a way that patronizes or diminishes or demeans this woman God has given for your wife. If you treat your wife in a condescending way, she will never be Priscilla, you will never be Aquila; and as he preaches, Apollos will remain confused.
Now then, set God’s truth at the center of your goal for growth with your wife across the years of your marriage. Listen to Moses’ command to the sons of Israel:
These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deut. 6:6–9)
We have said a lot about reading. We’re sorry to browbeat you about it. That’s not our intention, but we are, in fact, people of the Word and the Book, aren’t we? And there are so many ways reading and words will help you and your husband or wife to grow in intimacy and companionship.
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When your children are young, often there’s just not time to fit in anything that doesn’t include your children. You take walks together as a family. You play games together. Your reading aloud is from books that children enjoy. All these things are well and good, but as your children get older, the things you can do together will change. Many things you used to do together as a family, you will now be doing as a couple. The things that you were not able to do together now become a possibility.
There are different seasons of life, but as you raise your children, remember it’s important that your children are not the only thing you have in common. Otherwise, you may wake up one day, empty nesters with nothing in common. If you haven’t become companions in anything but childrearing, you might not be able to remember why you ever even liked the person you are sharing a home and bed with. After the kids leave, many marriages fall apart, so work to share common interests. Work to be your wife’s or husband’s much loved and trusted companion.
One couple we know likes to walk together—not only for the exercise, but also because this is their time together. When it is nice out, they walk in the park. When it’s hot, cold, or rainy, they walk the aisles of Menards. They can’t fit it in every day, but they do manage several times a week. This is a good time for each of them to catch up with what’s going on in the other’s life.
Another couple we know likes to cook together. They enjoy having people over for dinner and serving. Not just food, but a delicious meal with beautiful presentation. They enjoy their time together in the kitchen.
One couple we know recently signed up to take an online history class together. It was free and they can watch the class videos at their own pace. The class comes complete with tests that they can decide whether or not to take. If you’re generally competitive, you might have fun trying to outdo each other in your grades, but if that is too reminiscent of negative memories from school days, skip the tests.
As your children get older, you might take up a new hobby together. Take a class on cooking, gardening, or genealogy at the local community college. Or skip the class and just learn these things reading books or watching videos online together.
Some things you enjoy doing as a family morph into new phases. If your family has always enjoyed taking hikes, as your children get older, go on backpacking trips or think about a week canoeing in the Boundary Waters.
If your family always enjoyed playing games together, when they are older or gone, you can learn different games involving more strategy. Obviously this does not work for all couples. If one of you tends to be so competitive that you ruin the fun, forget it. And yes, I’ll cop to this being true of me—so no, we do not play games together. Our first year of marriage, we gave it up.
Learn to identify the local trees and wildflowers. Take up bird-watching. Take up fishing. Learn about wines and go on winery tours. Learn the constellations. Buy a telescope and visit a planetarium or local observatory. Take a sailing class, buy a sailboat, and regret it. Volunteer at the food kitchen. Visit nursing homes. Go serve missionaries by helping with their carpentry, plumbing, and roof leaks.
There are so many possibilities. Be creative. Do it together and grow closer as companions.
Retired couples have more time and leisure to travel. Go for it. If you used to go camping with your kids, now you can go glamping, rent a camper, or go on a cruise.
For years, friends of ours have enjoyed biking together, but they just entered a new phase of biking by purchasing electric bikes. One of Mary Lee’s sisters and her husband enjoy four-wheeling on their back forty in Idaho. (Actually, it’s their back hundred thousand owned by Uncle Sam.)
Follow me: healthy marriages are mutual. Not just mutual in bed and on Valentine’s Day, but pervasively mutual. It is twisted for a husband and wife to be aloof from one another. Life is togetherness. Intimacy. Fellowship. Friendship. Companionship. Love.
How can you dwell in the same house as man and wife while not sharing a single heart beating the tune of your love for one another?
Stop being content with mediocrity. Stop being depressed about your marriage. Stop pretending your marriage is awesome. You’re not fooling anyone.
But you can start the hard work of making it so. A marriage of lovers. A marriage of companions.
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That’s it. That’s exactly what we need so much more of. How…how do we do this?
How do we fight insecurity as men? How do we fight intimidation when our wives are so clearly our superiors? How do we fight anger when our wives resent our discipline of the children? How do we know when our wives actually have the better perspective on the discipline of our children? How do we cultivate the sort of intimacy that helps us depend on their help for the work of caring for Christ’s tender lambs? How do we rely on our wives’ perspectives on the church but without making them de facto elders? How do we train younger couples to have the sorts of marriages we’ve seen from Tim and Mary Lee and that they saw from Kent and Barbara Hughes? How do we develop those sorts of marriages ourselves?
That is the antidote to the weakness of ‘exaggerated servant leadership’ and the stupidity of ‘hyper-masculinity’. Once you’ve really seen the genuine article you have no interest in chest-thumping or effeminate husbandry.
Thank you for this book, and for reminding me of it. Just read sections of it to my own dear wife. So much to repent of…so much to strive towards…
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