@Joel
What is often forgotten is that, mathematically speaking, this choice necessarily also results in a man not marrying
May I respectfully point out that this is not necessarily the case; because the Christian singles’ community has in it (and certainly past the age of thirty or so) more women than men; and past forty, many more women than men.
I think we have talked about this before, and I’ve seen this sort of statistic cited before among evangelical punditry, but personally speaking I have never observed it at churches I’ve attended or visited. Perhaps my experience is too narrow, but I wonder if the overabundance of single women is something that occurs at evangelical churches but not at confessional churches.
Perhaps my experience is too narrow, but I wonder if the overabundance of single women is something that occurs at evangelical churches but not at confessional churches.
Yes, very possibly.
What drives me nuts is when a serious single man at a church is apparently rejected by the single women en masse, as if they all voted on it in the bathroom. Sometimes it seems like it happens if he tried asking out the wrong one first. Nash’s equilibrium in action.
It brings to mind that recent essay about the sister in Song of Solomon. The sister needed both protection and advantageous positioning from her community to bring about her own happy marriage.
@Joel
On a happier note, the Internet is a great leveller, and the judicious use of Christian contact sites will provide much more in the way of a ‘catchment’ to work with. As Paul McGuinness (manager of U2) put it, “It doesn’t matter how many times you get it wrong, you only need to be right once”. 
Internet contact sites may also give the impression of an inexhaustible pool of potential mates, leading to choice overload/analysis paralysis. I wonder if they also further the kind of pride-driven selectivity that @jeremy.vandergalien mentioned.
@dtcoughlin
Yeah, fair point. But human nature being what it is - and this is why I referred to the judicious use of such sites - it will either be too fussy and selective, or not selective enough!
Upon reflection, Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7 mean what they say, i.e. it is good to marry (1 Cor 7:38a, Proverbs 18:22) - but if you are enabled (1 Cor 7:7, 9, 37, Matt 19:11) to deny yourself the blessing of marriage for the sake of the kingdom, it is better (1 Corinthians 7:38b, Matthew 19:12c - “Let the one who is able to receive this receive it”. See also the disciples’ use of “better” in v10).
The stumbling block for me up to this point has been that I read Paul as devaluing marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. Once I was able to hold marriage as a blessing and see singleness as self-denial, (as opposed to living on a higher spiritual plane), singleness became a form of fasting, of putting the kingdom first, of choosing the good portion, but at a cost that requires God’s gifting ascertained by a person’s willingness and ability to control their sexual desires.
This excludes, of course, those who are involuntarily single, whether because there are no suitable partners or because others do not consider them suitable. (No one compliments a starving man for fasting). This also excludes those forced to stay single, as in some churches, those too scared or lazy to get married and those single people holding onto their purity by the skin of their teeth.
Those who stay single because they pass up the opportunity to marry a non-Christian do not quite fit the bill, either, though it could be argued they do so for the sake of the kingdom.
In an age where young men are being encouraged to step up to the plate and marry, have children and build households, this biblical teaching is not well received. Still, the Bible is clear: marriage is good, singleness for the sake of the kingdom is better.
@Alistair
This is turning into a challenging thread, and sometimes quite uncomfortable. Good!
Now, you wrote:
… Those who stay single because they pass up the opportunity to marry a non-Christian do not quite fit the bill, either, though it could be argued they do so for the sake of the kingdom.
Agreed, and this should be acknowledged as part of our pastoral responses.